As an ambitious child who couldn’t wait to grow up, I always imagined myself being quite stable by now. I had seen all the things that people had done wrong and decided I’d learn from them.
“I will never drink too much. I won’t smoke too often. No drugs. I won’t ever cheat. Never believe in religion.”
Well, I kept to one of those.
I made all the mistakes I thought I never would and then some. I lost every little bit of ambition, I don’t have goals and I thrive on misery but I think I’m doing okay. I feel like an adult. Every now and then I think about how people are always telling me that drinking excessively, smoking and being apathetic does not make you an adult. But what does? Because all the adults I know now and ever knew, did things – maybe not the exact same things but nevertheless, still things that destroyed them in one way or another. I am all the people I have ever known. I am a dysfunctional adult but so are the rest of you because there is no other kind and while I realise that I am a mess, I will not change a thing. Well, maybe a few tiny things. I might just replace my greasy mac & cheese with fusilli cooked in cauliflower sauce sprinkled with cashew cheese.